I am not ashamed of a lot of things.
I am not ashamed of the fact my agenda is filled with ideas for posts I haven’t gotten around to reading. I am not ashamed I took two weeks off – one week to compose the outline for the novel I am supposed to be dedicating my life to and another week to fight and cry over the fact I could not write a decent first scene for the life of me.
I needed that time.
It has been a little hard over here lately. I’ve said it a few times, but, my Abuela (spanish for Grandmother), has Post Herptic Neuralgia. It has made our days a bit trying. Again, I am not afraid to admit I live with my grandmother. In fact, I live with my mother as well. We’ve lived together a long time, save for the four years I decided to live on my own in Miami and four years from the time I was born. Put together, that means, we have lived together for about twenty years. In the mornings, it is my job to take care of her. She is 87. She’s been sick like this since November.
Most days are pretty good though, which, I can’t complain about. There are some days that are a bit more trying then others, and that is where I go. I deal with it. I help out where I can. I comfort who needs it. I’ve always been a patron of Our Four Walls. I stay home a lot. I do mostly everything with my family.
I am not ashamed of that either.
There are people who don’t understand or who will never understand. It’s interesting to blog sometimes because of this. We’ve all talked about living the glamorous life you want to live or living the life you are living already because it is equally as glamorous if not a bit dirty on the outside. My life, itself, is a bit awkward. At twenty-eight, I’m not really ashamed of where I am. Not at all. It’s a good place, for now. Not forever, but, I live in the Now. At least, I try to. It’s all I can do.
So, we’ve been struggling here, just a little bit, but, it’s no cause of concern. Getting over your hardships, to me, means getting back to your routines, getting back to the ways you love to live. For me, it means putting up those posts from those entries I thought about, jotted down. It means getting up early. It means putting all that outline work, to, well, work.
I wrote somewhere in those notes the words “Don’t be afraid to be open”. So, there we go. In my world, there is always sick and there is always hard, there is always difficult but there is always something good in everything.
I’m not ashamed of it. I never even thought that I should be.